Josephine & Norman's
BEST OF THE BEST
POLISH JOKES
EVER TOLD








Cute

Funny

Very Funny

Very Very Funny

Hysterical


Clean

Tasteless

Dirty






The Indian, the Jew
and the Polak

Three travelers, one from India, one a Jew and the third a Polak are having trouble finding a room for the night.
After much searching, they finally find an Inn with only two beds left. The innkeeper offers to let the third one of them sleep in the barn.
They draw straws for the two beds, and the Indian is sent off to the barn for the night.
But within five minutes of the Jew and the Polak turning off the lights and going to bed, there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. They open the door and there is the Indian.
"I cannot sleep in the barn," says the Indian, "I am Hindu and there is a cow in the barn. Cows are sacred to us so I cannot sleep under the same roof as one."
The Jew volunteers to go to sleep in the barn.
But within five minutes of the Polak and the Indian turning off the lights and going to bed, there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. They open the door and there is the Jew.
"I can't sleep in the barn either," says the Jew, "there's a pig in the barn, and if I sleep in hay that a pig has touched, I may get some in my mouth and that wouldn't be kosher."
So the Polak ventures out to go to sleep in the barn.
But within five minutes of the Indian and the Jew turning off the lights and going to bed, there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. They open the door and there is the cow and the pig.



a Polak in St. Tropez

A Polish guy is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.
] Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of these women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"
"Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very queekly zees way."
"Wow! Thanks!" says the guy, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies.
So he goes back to the French guy. "I'm sorry to bother you again," he says, "but I went to the store. I got the swimsuit, and I still haven't been able to meet a girl."
"Okay," says the Frenchman, "I tell you what to do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very queekly zees way."
"Thanks!" says the guy, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at him. After half an hour he can't take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman.
"Look," he says. "I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach - and still nothing! What more can I do?"
"Well," says the Frenchman, "maybe I can help you a leetle bit. Why don't you try moving zee potato to the front of the sweeming suit?"



Polish Air Flight 101

Polish Air Flight 101 is coming in for a landing, and the pilot is freaking out. The sweat is jumping off his brow.
He brings the plane to a screeching halt and turns to the co-pilot. "Man, that is the shortest runway I have ever landed on."
The co-pilot says, "Yeah, and so wide."



The Polish Bowling Teams

Two Polish bowling teams charter a double-decker bus to go to Atlantic City for the weekend.
One team is in the bottom of the bus, and the other team is in the top of the bus.
The team down below is whooping it up when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the top. He walks up the stairs, and here are all the guys from the second team clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles, scared ot death.
He says, "What the heck's goin' on? We're down here havin' a grand old time."
One of the guys from the second team says, "Yeah, but you guys've got a driver."



The Polish Girl
and the Trucker

A big semi on the interstate pulls over and picks up a pretty young Polish hitchhiker.
While they are driving, the trucker, a serious CB addict, is showing off an enormous new CB radio implanted in his dashboard.
"That's the best CB radio ever made," he explains to the bug-eyed girl. "You can talk anywhere in the world with it."
"No kidding," she gasps. "Boy, I'd really love to talk to my mother in Poland."
"Oh, yeah?"
"I would give anything to talk to my mother in Poland."
"Anything?" he asks.
"Anything," she assures him.
"Well, maybe we can work something out," he leers, pulling his cock, by this time erect, out of his pants.
The girl leans over, bends down, and says loudly, "Hello, Mom!"



The Polish Liar

A Polish guy goes parking with his girlfriend and she sucks his cock all night long. About two o'clock in the morning, he pulls into the driveway, reaches in his glove compartment, takes out a resin bag, and rubs it on his hands.
He walks in the house, and his wife's standing there waiting for him.
She says, "Where you been?"
He says, "I was out getting my dick sucked all night."
She grabs his hands and looks at them and says, "Look at the resin on your hands, you lying son-of-a-bitch! You were bowling."

Polish Quickies

Did you hear about the Polish Godfather?
He makes you an offer you can't understand.

Did you hear about the million-dollar Polish Lottery?
You win a dollar a year for a million years.

How about the Polish car pool?
They meet at work.

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Polish burglar."

[Lick the cover of a book of matches, bend it back so the matches are exposed, and stick it to your forehead.]
[Ask]
"What am I?"
"A Polish miner."

What are the two great Polish Lies?
"The check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in the mail."

What would you call a bunch of Polish guys wearing turbans?
A Pakistanleys.


Click Here to Return to
The Best of the Best Jokes Home Page.


Send any email and/or submissions to billius@sagal.com.